Grateful for...

I know that I usually do this the 1st of the month, but I just bring myself to do it. Then I was going to do it for Mothers' Day, and I ended up going out-of-town, so I didn't get around to it. And then I was going to do it on our anniversary (which was Tuesday), and I spent the day with my husband (who surprised me by taking the day off of work) instead of playing around on the Internet. So here it is, Friday, the 15th of the month, and I decided it's better late then never.

It is so hard for me this month to do this. Not really because of Troy, but because there is sooo much that I'm grateful for. It's hard to narrow it down to just 5 things. I have literally witnessed miracle after miracle the last few weeks. I have been touched by so many people and gestures by friends, family, and complete strangers that I have been overwhelmed. So please, if I forget to mention something, I'm sure I'll write about it later.

This month I'm grateful for.....


1~My husband. We celebrated our 9 year anniversary a few days ago. I just can't believe that it has been 9 years. I'm not going to lie and say that it has been 9 years of total bliss, but honestly, it almost has. We've had our differences here and there, but we always seem to work things out. I met Jordan under the oddest circumstances, and yet we are still going strong. My dad commented to me the other day that Me and Jordan have had our share of trying times, and yet we only grow stronger with each one. Things that would have torn others apart have only brought us closer together. Marriage hasn't always been easy, but it always been worth it. I'm so lucky to have found my best friend and that wants to spend time and eternity with me.

2~My family. With everything that happened with baby Troy, my family never left my side. My mom and sister camped out at the hospital with me while I was waiting to deliver. They slept in their clothes that they had on the day before, then, without being asked, they just jumped into action and started to plan the funeral and burial. My dad spent as much time as he could with me in the hospital. If he wasn't there with me and Jordan, then he was off entertaining my kids somewhere. The day I got released, we went to pick the kids up from Grandpa's house and they didn't want to leave. He took such good care of them and I know that my kids just love and adore him. They love to be with their 'Grandpa Butch' and I know that they are in good hands whenever they are with him. My baby brother came to visit me on multiple occasions in the hospital even though it was the middle of finals for him. And my older brother and his wife came to the hospital even though I know that it was really hard for them. My grandparents all showed support too with visits, calls, cards, etc. And my extended family has just been awesome. Everyday I'm getting cards or phone calls from them with their support. I have really learned just how important family is, and I am so glad that I have mine so close to me.

3~My friends. Friendships have been rekindled, created, and enhanced with everything that has happened. I had friends show up at the hospital multiple times even though it was out of the way for them. I've had people send cards that I have never met before. We had so many people show up at the funeral that our chapel was full. People that I don't know and those I didn't know that well have donated money to the memorial fund to help us pay for the gravestone. I've had friends take my kids so that we (Jordan and I) could get stuff done. I've been surrounded by the nicest friends any person could ever ask for. People have done way more for me then I could ever repay back. From all of this too, I've reconnected with friends that I've fallen out of touch with. And several of my relationships with people have grown. I know that I wouldn't be where I am today without the love and support that all these awesome people have shown me the last couple of weeks.

4~My kids. They are what is keeping me going. If it wasn't for soccer games, baseball games, dances lessons, preschool, birthdays, and baptisms, I would be curled up in a ball on my bed loathing in self pity. The other night, Trae said the most beautiful prayer that included Troy in it. Elie likes to talk about the baby or Troy all the time too. The other day, Elie asked me "When are you going to have a real baby?" I told her that Troy was real and she didn't believe me. I love those teaching opportunities. I've watched my kids' testimonies both grow with this experience, and they both understand that we'll see Troy again. Today in Costco, Elie was explaining to a girl that I know that Troy is in heaven and is watching over us and helping us. My heart almost skipped a beat and my eyes got all watery. It was a very proud and touching moment for me to hear her little voice explain all of this. Trae's baseball coach wrote on the back of all the kids' cap TJB (Troy Jordan Boulton) and they end every game with the chant "Troy!" Trae says that he feels like Troy is watching him too. It's amazing to me to really pay attention to what my kids are saying and feeling. I love everything that they are interested in and learning. I just flat out love my kids!

5~The atonement. It brings me so much peace to know that I will see Troy again. I have talked about this over and over again. I would be so sad, upset, resentful, etc. if I didn't have the gospel in my life. Especially the fact that families are together forever and that we will all see Troy again. I know that my baby is up there fighting for us so that we all make it back to the Savior too. My kids really understand this principle too and I'm excited to see how much that means to them too. They have the same peace and comfort that Jordan and I both have because of the atonement.

Well, like I said earlier, there are many, many other things that I'm grateful for and I'll probably never get to expressing them all. I have so many things to be thankful for and this were just a few that have really just stuck out to me over the last month or so.