My secret place of solace

I have found a new place for me. It's a place that I can go to and think. It's a place that I can go to a feel peace. I discovered it the other night and I don't have to go very far to get there. As luck would have it, it's located in my own home. This secret place is our nursery.

I know this sounds pretty crazy and some might be wondering if I'm really ok, but let me explain. Since our loss, I have not really gone much into the nursery. To be honest, I don't know if it because it's too painful or because I just rarely need to go in there. I have been in it a couple of time without any problems. I've also been in there and opened the closet doors and just started to bawl when I saw all the clothes that I had bought. It's a darling room, and it really makes me feel bad that it's going unused right now. We've decided that Traeden and Elison are doing so well together that we will keep them together for now. I know that many of our friends have seen it but there are those that have asked for pictures (which is the reason for this post).

Well, the other night I needed to make a pretty big decision, but I needed Jordan's help with it. We were going to talk about it when the kids were asleep and in bed. So once that happened, I went to find Jordan. I thought that he was laying down with the kids, but he wasn't...he was in the nursery reading his scriptures. I thought he felt the same way as me, so I was surprised to see him in there. I think that I was more surprised to see him so relaxed and at peace though. It really opened my eyes to something new. I talked to Jordan for a few minutes, then stopped for just a minute before I left. I was trying to pinpoint exactly what I was feeling. So this morning, while I was alone, I decided to just go and sit in this room. Troy's funeral was exactly a month ago today, so I figured that today would be a good day to sit and reflect. And that's exactly what I did.

I was amazed how my whole attitude has now changed. I really felt calm, relaxed, and at peace. The same as the other night. But most of all, I felt Troy's little spirit there. I could totally be imaging things or looking to far into it, but as long as I feel that way, I'll be spending more time in my new secret place.

So, here are some pictures of my new place of peace: